I Wish I Could Forget…

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When I was fifteen and sixteen, I was a wild child. Drinking, smoking cigarettes and weed and driving my mom crazy.

There was an incident where I smoked a joint that, unknowingly to me, was laced with something. It completely screwed up my head. I ended up in the hospital with a heart rate of 170 and the horrible feeling of impending doom…That feeling never went away. I mean the heart rate returned to normal, obviously, but the never ending feeling of threatening doom still resides within me.

I’m now forty four and have been infested with anxiety and OCD ever since. All my fears of death and dying, always being on edge waiting for something bad to happen, constantly being scared of everything…It all started after this incident. I’ve lived like this for the last twenty nine years.

Fears-are-stories

The purpose of this post was to think of something that I wish I could forget. This topic makes me think of The Butterfly Effect. How if you go back in time and change one event, your entire life and the lives of those around you change as well. That’s a scary thought when you think of the possibilities but honestly, if I could forget one thing, it would be the incident of the poisonous laced marijuana that has negatively affected my entire life for all these years. If I could forget that incident, I feel that all my anxiety and irrational fears would disappear. Maybe I wouldn’t of had to live with the perpetual fear of death and doom waiting for me around every corner.

I’m not sure where life would of taken me had that never happened. I can only speculate, but I can say the possibility of living without extreme anxiety and OCD would be a much less stressful existence.

If you could forget something, what would it be?

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This entry was posted in anxiety, BDSM, darkness, depression, despair, fear, life, ocd, slate of life, stress. Bookmark the permalink.

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